As a guy who by profession is a purveyor of men’s fragrances, I have to tell you that I am always amazed by how little many men know about one of the most potentially lethal additions to one’s skirt chasing arsenal – a great scent.
Women are complex beasts, as you well know, and when wading out into the brutal world of dating and relationships, the better armed you are, the better, and trust me when I tell you women love a good smellin’ man.
Women are not like us, fellas. We need two things to get in the mood – nudity and proximity, whereas the female need to be seduced on many levels is well documented. They need to be stimulated mentally, emotionally, and physically, and there is no finer tool for getting the ball rolling in all three arenas than a fantastic scent. Women have a stronger sense of smell than men, and if you can arouse that, you stand a better shot of getting the fires burning with their other senses as well.
Every single day at work, I encounter and assist women shopping for husbands or boyfriends, and when I inquire as to what the cologne of choice usually is for their significant other, the answer is, sadly and often, “Umm…he doesn’t wear any, but I wish he would!!” Every time I hear this, I have two reactions. First, I die inside a little, and then I collect myself and go into teacher/hero mode. I show them a series of colognes, and explain their different options, teach them about fragrance notes and proper application, and usually I send them off happy. After the sale, I smile because I know later, if I did my job properly, a fellow man is now more likely to find himself laid.
The men I see, on the other hand, tend to ask either what the newest or most popular fragrance is, or where to find their old standby that they haven’t changed for forty years. Both elicit the kind of head shake that can only come from a condescending prick of my stature. Guys, listen up, when it comes to fragrances, NEVER buy a cologne simply because it is the most popular thing. For starters, if it’s popular, it means everyone is wearing it, which means it will make you smell like everyfreakingbody else. You want a woman to associate a given scent with you, not her last boyfriend or brother. Trust me, if you come at a woman rocking a cologne that her abusive, porn addicted, crack smoking, wife beater wearing, jobless, lying, cheating, still living with his mama douchebag ex boyfriend wore, the loud pop you will hear will be the sonic boom of her legs breaking the sound barrier as they slam shut. Also, just because it is popular doesn’t mean it will work for you. I cannot tell you how many guys have brought colognes back because it didn’t smell very good on them. Body chemistry is a huge factor in the fragrance world. Any given cologne can smell great on 9 men, but smell like a bowl full of boiled ass on that tenth dude. Why is this? The answer is that one or more of the fragrance’s notes, which are the preferred nomenclature for a scent’s component oils, had a negative reaction with something in that one man’s chemistry. Maybe he has extra oily or dry skin. Maybe he has an unusually high or low ph. Maybe he is on a prescription drug. A lot factors into whether a scent will work for a man, and when buying a new one, you should ALWAYS spray a little bit on your wrist and walk around for 15-20 minutes. Let it settle and then smell it. You do not buy a car without taking for a test drive; you do not commit to a chick without taking her vagina for a test drive; and you most certainly DO NOT buy a fragrance without wearing a little bit of it first!!
Case in point – Versace Pour Homme. It is an exquisite citrus scent, and it smells divine on most men, but on me it smells like wet Labrador. I can’t wear it, so I don’t try. It is a truly amazing fragrance, and I wish that I had the chemistry to support it, but sadly I do not. I know this not because I bought it, but because I wore it first. Keep this in mind in the future, gentlemen, okay? That being said let me tell you about cologne constitution. Colognes are made of alcohol and fragrance oils. Fragrances have three layers of notes, or scent levels. When you first spray them, you smell the top notes, which are the fragrance’s most lightly concentrated oils. These dry down and give way to the middle notes, which are a little heavier and are used to pave the way for its base notes, which are the oils of greatest concentration. That is why colognes so often don’t smell the same after wearing down as they do when first applied.
Many men who buy cologne bitch that it doesn’t last very long, so they have to keep reapplying it, which causes them to run out of it quickly. Wrong! If you’ve ever bought a new wallet (for those of us who are too old school for front pocket money clips) you know what it’s like breaking them in, right? For the first hour or two it feels like you’re sitting with one ass cheek on a brick. Gradually, acclimation causes you to stop noticing it. Your brain pulls the same trick with fragrances. Just because you can’t smell it doesn’t mean other people can’t, and reapplication will generally only cause you to be…that guy. You know that guy, don’t you? He smells like he bathes in cologne, and his scent is so thick you can practically taste it in the air as he passes? Don’t be that guy, okay?
Also, and I can’t tell you how many guys have come to my counter and pulled this little maneuver, do not use more than two sprays, or three if the scent is particularly light. Spray one wrist, then dab (not rub…this damages the scent) the other wrist against it. Then, while the cologne is still wet, dab behind the ears. With one spray you have just covered four areas of your body where the blood flows most closely to the skin’s surface. The significance of this is that the scent should be worn where the body heat is most concentrated, which turns you into a glorified walking Glade Plug In freshener of manly awesomeness. Next, spray your neck. I usually recommend the back of it, but the front is okay too. If you insist on a third spray, apply to your clothed chest. Clothing holds fragrances better than skin, but please be sure the scent isn’t very heavy, or you will choke people out. A warning, though, some fragrances can and will stain clothing, so test a small area of your shirt first to make sure this is not the case.
If you really want to get the most out of your cologne purchase, you need to buy some of its accompanying after shave balm (the cream) if it is available. If you’re like me, you probably don’t have much use for after shave balm per se as part of your shaving regimen, but it has another use that can save you money, which in this economy is always appreciated. If you apply a little of the balm to the areas you intend to spray with your scent, you will make your cologne noticeable for hours longer, thus reducing the amount you need to use, thus making your bottle last longer, thus saving you money that you could be spending on buying drinks for chicks….lmao…I’m sorry…just kidding. You should never buy chicks drinks. Don’t be that loser!
You know who you also shouldn’t be? The guy I mentioned earlier who has been wearing the same damned cologne for forty years. That is a colossal mistake. For one, every man needs to have at least four great scents that are appropriate for the given season and situation. Sticking with one scent doesn’t really lend itself well to making this happen, now does it? A man needs a “just for me” cologne that he wears when he is more worried about smelling good for himself than for others, a light summer scent, a heavier cold weather scent, and a good old fashioned coon doggin’ aroma, aka his signature scent. I can’t tell you what would be the ideal signature scent for you, but I can tell you in order to find the right one, look toward the smaller, lesser known brands. You are unique, and your fragrance should be too. I’m not knocking Acqua Di Gio or Polo Blue, but c’mon man, everybody has them, and they’ve been done. Be different!! You want a woman to think only of you when she smells certain cologne. I cannot stress how important this is if you ever expect to turn that dirty fantasy about the hot Russian girl who works two cubicles over into lurid reality.
For my dollar, I’m a Mandarina Duck Pure Black junkie. It’s soft yet masculine. It smells of tobacco, citrus, and soft vanilla, and ladies cannot peel themselves away from me when I’m wearing it. I’m telling you, a soft sweet scent that still has a little masculinity to it goes over VERY well with most women these days. I’m not telling you to rock the Duck, especially since it’s my signature scent and I don’t want you smelling like me, but I am saying if you want to smell sexy, leave the soapy, shower fresh scents alone. To make a woman a little soggy around the south mouth, you really need something with some body and “oooh damn!” to it. There are lots of them out there, and none of them are at Wal-Mart. For shit’s sake, spend some money if you want quality. If it’s at Wal-Mart, there is a reason for it. Keep that in mind.
By the way, I was kidding about the Duck. You totally have my permission to wear it with extreme prejudice. It’s a fantastic scent, but really, try to find your own. 😉 Peace, love, and bacon to you my brothers!
by Chance White
