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God Bless the Unfashionable Male

alpha_m_image_consultingThe unfashionable man – we all know at least one, and, God love ‘em, most of them walk around without even the slightest vestiges of a clue about just how ridiculous they look, because in their mind, they look good.  Damned good.

I can only imagine the inner dialogue that must be running through their heads as they don their pooka shell and/or leather strap necklace, throw on that horrible Ed Hardy or Affliction shirt and pair it with their ill advised ripped jeans.  Not tastefully distressed jeans.  Ripped.  As in they have more holes than a Bangkok brothel.  I bet it goes something along the lines of “Dayummm…this shirt really hugs up on me.   Look at my pecs in this! The ladies are gonna love this.  I am a beast!!”

But, for all their inner bravado, the sad truth is that they look like an ass clown.  They strut by and women look upon them in awe, alright, as in “Aw hell no!  What is that boy wearing?” As they pass, they are followed by exactly two things – the hushed snickering of the ladies they’d hope to impress, and the horrible stench of Axe Body Spray.  Now, most of these guys are perfectly cool human beings, and when you just wanna chill, watch a game, and talk some testosterone fueled shit, they’re your boys.  However, when it comes to putting forth their best face and attracting women of a quality that exceeds that of the average sorority girl or club rat, these men are clueless.  They wouldn’t know a loafer from a wingtip, a blazer from a suit jacket, or how to properly layer colors, fabric types, and patterns, let alone properly accessorize any of it, if their lives depended on it.

If you’re like me, when you see these guys, you have an instinctual reaction that makes you want to reach out and help them.  You want to show them a better way, and help them be their best.  You want to show them that it’s okay to explore clothing options not typically favored by frat boys and self delusional middle aged men.  It’s okay to feel that way, HOWEVER, if you have any common sense, you won’t.  Why?  Go to any club, bar, or social scene and look around, and you’ll notice quickly that the well dressed man is always in the minority.  Subsequently, he is also usually surrounded by higher quality company.  He knows that appearance is everything, and that the man who takes the time to learn what works or doesn’t work for him has a leg up on the competition, so to speak.

Social scenes are a battlefield, and in any battle the team with the better weaponry wins.  To illustrate, some months ago I and some of my friends went to a club for a night of frivolity and alcohol fueled debauchery.  As we arrived, the place was packed to the rafters, and 90% of the men present were decked out in basically the same uniform comprised of the earlier mentioned articles of clothing.  Me?  Great fitting dark denim jeans, dark pinstriped blazer, white fitted dress shirt with the top button undone for comfort, and amazing black leather loafers.  Yeah, I said loafers.  In a casual setting, they can look great, so don’t even try me on this issue.   Couple my amazing outfit with the sexy as hell Mandarina Duck Pure Black cologne with which I’d sprayed myself (2 sprays, fellas, anything more is overkill!) and I had elevated myself to a different plateau, and it was noticed.

Now, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you I was wading neck deep in a pile of naked hottie flesh all night, but I definitely stood apart, was noticed, and was dressed so fly (I’m an 80s kid, sue me) even the other guys were commenting on how put together I was.  By the way, I did not go home or to bed alone that night, as many others did.  My crisp image enhanced my confidence, which as we all know is the number one thing to which people are drawn.   Now, had most of the other guys been dressed half as well as I, I would have probably gone home solo, because I was nowhere nearly as buff or nice looking as a lot of them.  I just took more time to take care of my look than they.   Had they been dressed well, I wouldn’t have been able to set a higher bar.  But they weren’t, and I did, so I won where most of them lost.

So, God bless unfashionable men, I say!  I thank them for dressing like a putz because even though I look great anyway, standing next to them my stock rockets up even higher!  I thank them for mindlessly flocking to those wretched pink Polo style shirts and leaving those great cardigans, blazers, and long sleeved casual dress shirts hanging on the rack behind them, because when they don’t move, they get marked down and I get better deals , so not only do fashion backward men help me look better than most, they help me to do it for less money!   Could I help them?  Yeah.  Should I help them?  Maybe.  Am I going to make a practice of doing so?  Hey, I’m a nice guy, but I’m not that noble.  ;)

by Chance A. White

Past Topics

New Topics Added Weekly!
All Men Were Not Created Equal | Heavy Set or Skinny and Tall -
December 15, 2011
All men were not created equal!  Whoever said that we were didn’t understand fashion or style.  Our female counterparts have it much tougher than we do; many more shapes and curves to be aware of and try to accommodate or camouflage. But this doesn’t mean that we don’t have to pay attention or understand the basics.  Remember, fashion refers to the clothing itself, while the word style isRead More»
Out the Door Checklist | Preparing for a Date -
December 14, 2011
So, you are going out on the town.  It may be a hot date you have been working towards for months, or it may be your wedding anniversary, and you are surprising your wife with a well planned night on the town.  This night is special for more than just one reason. You took extra time and care while picking out what to wear. You put on a bit more deodorant (not your typical single swipe applicatioRead More»
Pleated and Flat Front Pants -
December 10, 2011
Aaron Marino of alpha m. has a big style pet peeve, which is men wearing pleated pants. If you wear your pleated pants up to your belly button, the pleats will lay flat. We don't wear our pants up at our belly button these days, so when we wear the pants at our natural waist, the pleats open up. The look is pear shaped with birthing hips. With suits, finding flat front pants is challenging. Do somRead More»
Men's Clothing Fabrics and Patterns  -
October 14, 2011
Aaron Marino Website Have you ever run across a word you don't know regarding fabrics or patterns? You know about corduroy but others are leaving you scratching your head. Aaron Marino of alpha m. is talking about the fabric names and differences. A fabric is what your clothes are made of: wool (sheep), cotton (plant), silk (worm), or synthetic (man-made). The way that the fabric is woven affects Read More»

Men's Dress Shirt Collar Options | Point, Tab, Pinned, Spread Collars -
September 30, 2011
To start, Alpha thought it would be wise by starting with an explanation of collar construction: collar points, collar point length, collar band, collar height, tie space, and spread. Now, Aaron Marino of alpha m. discusses collar styles. Obscure Varieties Band  - collar without the collar! It sucks. Don't wear! Stafford  - it's like ... uh... makes Alpha smile. Wing Up  - associated with tuxeRead More»
Wear a Vest and Kill It | Men's Dress, Casual, and Sweater Vests -
September 23, 2011
Alpha used to think vests looked amazing on other men but not him. But he realized he was being a pussy so he got a vest and looked awesome! He even got a compliment! That's all it took. He's now a vest wearing slut. Aaron Marino of alpha m. presents different kinds of vest and how to wear them. Vests are a great option for the layering enthusiast- adding character, depth, and dimension to what coRead More»
Velvet Sport Coat | Men's Jacket  -
September 24, 2010
Professional male image consultant and fashion expert, Aaron Marino, talks about his favorite fall fashion piece- the velvet sport coat. In Alpha's personal opinion, if you are going to invest in one new item for the fall / winter, it should be the black velvet sport coat. It's versatile- you can dress it up and down. It looks great with everything you put it with. You can also get other colors thRead More»
$20 Thrift Store Couture | Bargain and Budget Shopping -
September 18, 2010
Platos Closet | Gently Used Clothes Thrift Store Haul | Style on a Budget Destinking Thrift Store Clothes Bargain Clothes Hunting Professional  male image and style consultant, Aaron Marino, takes you on a thrift store shopping adventure. Alpha shows you how to not spend a lot of money and still look amazing. Here's how to go bargain shopping! Alpha can take $20 and a good thrift store or secondRead More»
Summer Styles and Trends | V-Neck Tee Shirts -
April 30, 2010
Professional male style expert and men's image professional, Aaron Marino, talks about his favorite summer fashion trend.  The v-neck tee shirt is not only classic and timeless, and it is stylish as well. You need a v-neck tee shirt in your warm weather wardrobe. V-necks are tee shirts with attitude. Don't be afraid to wear color. The way Alpha sees it, there are three types of v-necks. StandardRead More»

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