How to Pass Gas Like a Gentleman | Public Farting Protocol

October 9, 2014
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Flatulence, busting ass, crop dusting, air biscuits, brown thunder, tooting- we all do it! But how you handle your hiney horn in public appropriate makes you a gentlemen. Aaron Marino of alpha m. says we’ve all been in public when we’ve had to rip one. Sometimes we can’t, though, because it may be too loud or silent-but-deadly. And we can’t claim, “Whoever smelt it, dealt it!”

Every person farts about 20 times each and every day. Gas comes from the digestive process when nutrients that don’t get passed along (like fiber) ferment. Gases are omitted. Poots from meat are more potent since there’s more hydrogen sulfide in meat than from fiber. We all have gas, but gentlemen know what foods cause excessive gas and takes preventative measures.

If you are in class or a meeting and the feeling hits, what do you do? Do you gently ease it out? Or do you hold it? How does a gentleman handle this situation? Prevention is the best option! First of all, refrain from eating gas producing foods that don’t agree with your system. You could also consider Bean-o which is a naturally occurring enzyme that reduces the fermentation. The other option is Gas-X which is an anti-foaming agent.

If you haven’t taken preventative measures and you need to pass gas, you can politely excuse yourself and leave the room. Return after you’ve done your business. Farts can linger, and you don’t want anyone getting in your car after farting. To disguise your fart, put your hand in your back pocket, grab a handful of your butt, pull your butt cheeks apart, and slowly release the gas. If someone suspects it’s you, a gentleman apologizes.

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