As often as we sit at a table to eat a meal, one would assume we automatically know and practice proper dining etiquette; when the reality is, most men are clueless about table manners. Sure, we know we should chew with our mouths closed, and never talk with a full mouth, but what about everything else?
If someone hasn’t explained the rules, or been an example for you, you’re probably as in the dark as the rest of us. Table etiquette is especially important in today’s society because so many interactions take place over a meal: dinner dates, business meetings, formal affairs, parties – all occasions when it’s in our best interest to present our best behavior. Image is not just about clothing and fashion, but manners, as well. Table manners are about consideration and respect for others… two things that are never out of style. So, let’s take a look at the basics of table etiquette, so you can be a true gentleman and confident in any situation.
- When going to someone’s home for dinner or a party, ask if there’s anything you can bring. If not, always bring a gift; which you can do even if you bring food. If they are drinkers, a nice bottle of wine will do. Flowers or a box of candy are good choices, also.
- If you’re wearing a hat, take it off as soon as you enter a house or restaurant, and never set it on a table. If the restaurant offers coat check, check it in, or keep it with your coat, including at someone’s home.
- Turn your cell phone OFF. Avoid talking and texting while at the table. We all know how offensive it can be when we’re having a conversation with someone who chooses to answer their phone or read a text. The message is you’re not as important as the person calling. It’s just bad manners. If you can’t resist, plan ahead and leave your phone in the car.
- Pull the chair out for any woman who will be sitting next to you, if she is unaccompanied by a man. If you’re already seated when she approaches the table, stand up and help her with her chair. If you’re not already sitting down, assist with her chair first then be seated. If you’re seated and a woman (other than the hostess) enters the room at any time, stand up to show politeness. No need to stand for other men.
- Within the first few minutes of sitting at the table, place your napkin on your lap. The napkin should never be tucked into your shirt like a bib, or into your pants to protect your lap. I know it’s practical, but it isn’t suitable. Opening the napkin halfway is sufficient, yet opening it completely is acceptable, also. Use it to wipe your mouth whenever you feel the need. When leaving the table for any reason, fold the napkin so any soiled areas are hidden, and place it on the table to the left of your plate.
- Always wait for others to be seated before you start eating. If there are at least three people seated and the hostess gives the okay to begin eating while the food is hot, go right ahead. If there is a group of only four people at the dinner, wait for everyone to be seated before digging in. Ideally, waiting for the hostess is polite, but she may prefer you start without her if she’s still busy in the kitchen.
- Always pass food to the right. It will keep order to the flow of things, and will ensure the food is passed to everyone. Food is bound to be missed if it’s going in different directions. When passing the salt, always pass the pepper along with it. Did I mention never reach across the table? Ask for things to be passed to you, and don’t forget to say please and thank you.
- It’s recommended you sample all the food being served, even if you’re uncertain you’ll like it. It’s courteous to the hostess to try at least one bite. Play it safe and take only a small amount if you’re unsure. If you don’t like a particular food, it’s acceptable not to finish it.
- Take an average size portion of food. Taking large portions of food is rude, especially if it means others may lose out on getting some. If you want more and there’s plenty to go around, help yourself to a second helping. Taking seconds is very complimentary to the cook.
- Silverware can be so confusing, but the rule of thumb is to start eating with the outside utensil that’s farthest from the plate. The type of dinner affair will determine how many utensils are at your place setting. The silverware is usually set in the order of the courses served: for instance, if there are two forks side by side, and salad is the first course, pick up the fork farthest from the plate, which will be the salad fork (it’s shorter). If soup is served, use the soup spoon, which is the largest spoon. If all else fails, check and see which utensils the other folks are using and follow their lead. No need to panic or be intimidated.
- If there’s a butter knife with the butter, use it to get your butter, and then place it back with the butter. If there’s no butter knife, use your clean knife. Help yourself to butter before you begin eating, so your knife is clean.
- Never put used silverware on the table. That’s just nasty! But, not knowing what to do with it can be a dilemma. If you’re still eating and just take a break, place the knife and fork on your plate with the tip of the knife and prongs of the fork (facing up) pointing towards the top of your plate. If the plate is a clock, position them towards 12 o’clock. If you’re finished eating a course whose dish and utensil will be taken away, let’s use soup as an example, place the spoon in the bowl. The same goes for the salad fork and plate. If there is only one fork for the entire meal and you need to save it after finishing your salad or appetizer, place the fork on the dinner plate. When finished eating the meal, set your knife and fork on the plate in the same position as mentioned above, but angle them, so that the handles are at the 4 on a clock. It not only signals you’re finished, but stabilizes the utensils on the plate. This all sounds a little overwhelming, but with practice, you’ll get it down in no time.
- If you’re at a formal affair that has a fork and spoon sitting on the table at the top of your plate, they’re dessert utensils, so wait until the dessert is served to use them. This is not typically done, but I’ve seen it at some very formal dinners. Normally, the dessert silverware is served with the dessert.
- Be sociable and join in the conversation.
- Seriously, keep your mouth closed when chewing, and wait until you swallow to speak. These are possibly the two most important rules.
- Don’t lean over your plate and shovel food into your mouth. Act civilized, no matter how hungry you are, by sitting up straight and bringing the food to your mouth. And no need to rush.
- When cutting meat, cut one bite size piece at a time and eat it. Don’t cut up an entire steak, chicken breast or any other serving of meat all at once. Not only will your meat get cold and dry, you’ll look like you’re five years old.
- When eating soup, tilting the bowl to get the last spoonfuls is acceptable. Never pick the bowl up and drink from it.
- It’s tempting to toss your tie over your shoulder, especially when you’re eating soup, but this is never acceptable. Just take your time and eat carefully.
- Who doesn’t want to prop their elbows on the table? It’s so comfortable, but is a definite faux pas while eating. However, if you’re sitting around the table talking and having coffee after dinner, you have the go-ahead to plop those babies up there. If you’re ever in doubt, don’t do it.
- Oh, no! You didn’t just blow your nose at the table and gross everyone out, did you? A quick wipe of a runny nose is allowed, but please excuse yourself and take care of business in the restroom if you’ve got to blow. That includes blowing out the other end, too. Nothing’s worse than trying to eat when in the midst of raunchy gas. The only thing worse than that is everyone knowing it was you!
- Say excuse me whenever you leave the table during the meal.
- Don’t be that guy who drinks too much. You’ve all seen him, and know what others think about him. Don’t let this be you.
- Always remember to thank your hostess, and your waitress or waiter if in a restaurant. Politeness goes far when showing your appreciation to those responsible for your dining pleasure. Say please and thank you when asking for anything – a glass of water; a second helping; the check – anytime you’re being assisted.
- Compliment the cook! It doesn’t matter if the food turned you green, let the chef or hostess know how much you enjoyed the meal; both when you’re eating and again when you’re leaving.
- Be sure to say good-bye to your hosts. If they’re busy speaking with someone else and you can’t wait until they’re finished, ask another guest to tell them you said good-bye. If this happens, call the following day, apologize for not saying good-bye and thank them for having you.
- Practice table manners everyday, no matter if you’re dining alone or with company. The more you practice, the better you’ll get, and the less awkward you’ll be when it matters most.
- When going out to dinner with other people besides your date, politely discuss how payment of the check is going to be handled before ordering. I know it can be uncomfortable, but it beats the awkwardness of trying to work it out after the meal. Asking for separate checks is totally fine.
Dining etiquette and table manners aren’t just for special occasions. They should be utilized whenever you eat, no matter where you are or who you’re with. Practice makes perfect, and in time, table manners will become second nature to you like so many other habits. Everyone notices and appreciates a well mannered guy. It doesn’t matter what age you are, rounding out your image with good manners will only enhance your persona, and reflect the alpha male you truly are.
by Aaron Marino
